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A letter from Ted Hughes to his son Nicholas Hughes, 1962:

 At every moment, behind the most efficient seeming adult exterior, the whole world of the person’s childhood is being carefully held like a glass of water bulging above the brim. And in fact, that child is the only real thing in them. It’s their humanity, their real individuality, the one that can’t understand why it was born and that knows it will have to die, in no matter how crowded a place, quite on its own. That’s the carrier of all the living qualities. It’s the centre of all the possible magic and revelation. What doesn’t come out of that creature isn’t worth having, or it’s worth having only as a tool—for that creature to use and turn to account and make meaningful. So there it is. And the sense of itself, in that little being, at its core, is what it always was. But since that artificial secondary self took over the control of life around the age of eight, and relegated the real, vulnerable, supersensitive, suffering self back into its nursery, it has lacked training, this inner prisoner. And so, wherever life takes it by surprise, and suddenly the artificial self of adaptations proves inadequate, and fails to ward off the invasion of raw experience, that inner self is thrown into the front line—unprepared, with all its childhood terrors round its ears.

Two hours of useful thought provoking words questions responses silences 

split between two studios, an hour in each

expressive story works, layers of colour.

minimal plains of abstraction.

totally different investments, desires,  inputs, outcomes

both really interesting.

My paintings allude to Bacon/ Emin, but managing to not come across as angry (there is no anger, this is painting with perspective and much more understanding than e=several years ago and also a growing acceptance,) as a lot of women painters (who depict  detriment-ed females or disturbing men) do.

How do I feel about working on canvas?

Its surface is proving useful in creating a rough surface ready to be expressively touched, scrubbed at with bristly brushes, watery paint that gets sucked in by the woven threads

its fresh and flesh-like, not stark but real, tactile, humane. It is raw it accepts what is raw and now i am putting raw on to raw and it is working.

Billy Childish- anachronistic -(1890?!) very expressive, Munch…

We talked about how to display work for assessment; 

be selective, experiment with a mishmash of jigsawed works at different heights…or allow each work the right to be considered on it’s own- a traditional hang. I’m going to try an get some extra space- sculpture court/ white space/ own studio.

put the most unpredictable combination of paintings together

…the most unpredictable combination of painting WHICH WORK!

ELKE KRUSTEJEVEK… http://www.elkekrystufek.com/

i DON’T FEEL THAT MY WORK NEEDS TO BE OFTEN AGGRESSIVE ANY MORE..its a method of understanding..

Ana Mendieta:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35Wf4VIll1Y&feature=related

Leigh Bowry/ Party Monster. (Lucian Freud painted L.B.)

Eroticism, sensitivity/ emotionally sucking, drawing, translating, understanding/ enticingly humane/ non logical/ charged, equally living and dead, gestalt, ringing, theatrical.

How succinct can a translation be from one place to another via the medium of paint?

IF IT MAKES SENSE (consider everything,) DO IT

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